broken hearts and mothers.
i feel like my mother's heart is broken. and there is such a profound sadness consuming my heart and all that is around it. through nothing more than being the bearer of bad news is my mother's sadness my fault. and perhaps the bad news wasn't mine to bear-knowing what i knew, i needed her to know-to protect her from the unintended harshness of hearing it from another's mouth. i love my mother. she is by far one of the most important people in my life. i almost cannot begin to comprehend this desire to protect her. she is a grown, competent woman. i have seen her take charge of a room without batting an eyelash. but this is breaking my heart. i simply cannot stand to see her hurt. when does a daughter need to protect her mother? i know she is sad because she told me too many reasons why it was really okay. and i don't want her heart to hurt. i want her to know that she is loved and appreciated and needed. because sometimes i think she doesn't believe that. because i know that look-i have felt it-i have bore pain in the same manner. because no matter how hard i ever fought, i am more like my mother than i ever thought i would be. my heart yearns for the same acceptance that i know hers does-and i hate that her heart hurts-i just don't want it to. i want her heart to sing-because it hurts to see it cry.how will i ever live my life without her?
5.2.2005 9:30 pm
posted by julie @ 11:12 AM
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