wandering sails

comfort food.

life isn't really funny. it's irritating and frustrating and hard. yes, there are times when the light shines through the clouds and things are good and well. in fact, i live most of my days feeling like all is right with the world, that life is good. then, someone gets breast cancer. and someone is cruelly fired from the job they've held for 35 years. and someone loses their baby. and it knocks you out of the bubble of comfortable disturbances. and nothing else seems important. your life seems so little, so sad. and what can you do? can you take the bitter cancer away? can you heal the hurt caused by long-time friends? can you bring the babies back? no. for this person, this me, who yearns to control the spin of her world, it feels utterly uncontrollable. because it is. and i don't know what to say. and i don't know what to do. so i do nothing. because it scares me. if i say something, if i do it, it becomes so much more real than it was. and life is easier when you live on the surface. when you choose to pretend it's all okay. that's the only thing i can control-and i somehow cling to that, which gives me no real comfort at all and brings on a hoard of guilt from not being of comfort and help to others. i hate surface living-that's not the life i have been called to live. but i find myself reverting to it when something like this happens. it's my comfort food.

posted by julie @ 4:23 PM