broken hearts.
last night, i went to see my grandma. i brought some of her pictures with again so we could keep going through them. (we've been working organizing and labeling so that i can put them in books for her) it's something she's really enjoyed... she laughs and remembers and smiles her way through the piles. i have loved it as well. i stayed until about eight when the nurse came in to do her thing.this morning, she will have open heart surgery for the second time.
after i left the hospital i stopped at my aunt and uncle's house to pass on some information to them. i stayed and chatted for a while, just catching up. then, as i was leaving the conversation took a turn that breaks my heart.
you have heard how wonderful my family is... how close we are, how much we love each other. now, let me introduce you to the other half of my family. my dad's side.
my dad is one of two brothers who have no grudges held against them or hold any with any of their brothers. the other three. well, they have some problems. i have seen them hate on each other more than i could have thought possible with family. it's been this way for so long.
my grandma shared with me once her greatest fear. it was soon after my grandfather has passed and she told me that when she died, she was scared the family would fall apart. she's probably right. and she knows it. i don't see much cohesiveness around me. i know that my immediate family will not likely lose contact with anyone... we have good relations with all, but i honestly believe there will come a day when my uncles and some of my aunts will cease all communication.
if my grandma doesn't make it past this surgery, her funeral will be the last time my entire paternal family will be together. i hate that. and i feel like i need to try to fix it. but i don't how. and it's so much bigger than me. and i am so tired. and there's so much incredible hardness in a few hearts. meanness. that's what it comes to. i just want them to grow up. i don't get why they refuse to realize that this world is bigger than themselves. there's more to life than being right.
there's more to life than this.
posted by julie @ 9:06 AM
2 Comments:
my dad's side of the family is like that too. When my grandpa died, there were countless arguments over funeral stuff. he had wanted to be creamated, but some of my uncles didn't like that idea and there were a lot of yelling matches. boo for bad family.
My wife's family fell apart when her father died.
We've done what we can to keep some lines open, but you just can't know all of the old hurts or how important one person was to keeping it all together.
When people allow so much darkness to enter their hearts, there is no external cure. You can't fix it. We can only take it as a lesson as to how to live our own lives and how to keep our hearts.
Never sleep on your anger. Tell them you love them at every parting. Value your pride less and their love more.
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