wandering sails

12.29.2006

overwhelmed.

you know you're tired when all you do in your dreams is sleep.

:)

posted by julie @ 11:58 AM 1 comments

merry christmas to me.

i am certain that when my family decided to draw names for christmas gifts this year, mine was the dreaded name. there is this belief that i am really difficult to buy for. and it's a belief you all should hold. if you know anything of dr. chapman's love languages, you'll know what i mean when i say that gifts is not even on the radar for me. i don't need gifts. especially bad gifts. it's the rare person who can go out on their own and come up with a gift that really means something to me. i'm so particular about things that unless you know me really well, it's virtually impossible to guess what i would like.

but i know this. i know i'm hard to shop for. and that's why i provide the list. i spend quite a bit of time working on the list. i include items of various types and prices, so as to give lots of options. if it's a book, i include the isbn so the right book is purchased. and after all items, i include at least two options for ways to purchase. so i put a store or two it can be found at and a website. i make it very easy to find something to give me.

and every year, i might get one thing off the list. i'll get books, but not the ones from the list. so someone was at the bookstore, and decided that instead of the books i said i'd like, i would like this other one better.

i'd rather not even get any gifts. i'd rather someone said, hey, let's just go get some coffee or take in a movie. i'd rather they looked at the list.

this year, my mom did really well. she hadn't drawn my name, but my parents got all the kids something anyway. so i got a few things off the list. it was great. it felt like i had been noticed, as sad as that seems. my family always means well and i take that into account, but the gift part of christmas is never something i look forward to. (although, on the other hand, the enjoyment i get from giving gifts far outweighs the receiving of them.) it's not that i'm ungrateful. really. it's that i've been trying for years to get people to realize how little physical gifts means to me. and how much more i would rather get gifts of time with people.

and so last night, i decided to gift myself. i had some time to kill and i had a little extra cash, so i bought myself some things i maybe wanted but didn't need. i got a new hat, a neck gaiter (much like a scarf), a water bottle, a book and a movie. all things i'm excited about. i know myself so well.

i didn't even need a list.

posted by julie @ 11:35 AM 2 comments

12.27.2006

where i'm at.

it's an interesting thing to look at yourself and know that you aren't the same today as you were yesterday. and to feel that the person you have become is less of the person you want to be than you were before.

this is where i'm at.

i'm a little banged up. i have spent the last two weeks being incredibly crabby and short-tempered. i have had to apologize to so many so much. my processing time, which has been painfully pokey, is slowly getting back to normal. i don't sleep well and i feel the muscles and joints that are off. and i'm a nervous driver, something i've never had to deal with.

outwardly, there are signs of me having smacked my head on a telephone pole. i think this has added to my impatience with myself. i don't like playing the part of the invalid. i don't like being the one who isn't as quick as she should be. i know this is temporary, but it seems like it couldn't possibly take any longer to get back to normal. i will spend a considerable amount of time this next month and a half with my chiropractor.

so that is my update. that is how i'm faring. i am fine. i have been better, but i could be a lot worse.

posted by julie @ 3:16 PM 2 comments

here she is.





posted by julie @ 11:28 AM 1 comments

12.12.2006

just hand over the blue hair now.

so you know that person that drives so slow in the far right lane that you curse at as you zoom past them? that you wonder what's wrong with them?

yeah, that was me this morning. emotionally, i had the hardest commute i have ever had. i constantly felt that the car was sliding and at every curve i had to brace myself. the bigger curves? i was near tears. i have never been a nervous driver, but this morning, i have never been so scared. on the back roads, the same ones i drove yesterday morning, my knuckles were white as i crept along at grandma speeds. i do not think i will take them tomorrow.

posted by julie @ 5:35 PM 0 comments

12.11.2006

something to blog about.

i'm not good at meeting new people. i've become accustomed to my small world and am quite content to not expand it tremendously. but this morning, as i set out on my journey to work, i thought i should work on it a little harder. and as i don't know any telephone poles at all, i decided to meet one. well, rather, it decided to meet me. we met rather intimately and while it tried hug me, i wasn't as interested in moving so fast. (i am, after all, new to this whole thing) so we just bumped heads and called it good. what i didn't know, was that i ought to have consulted my car before getting to know telephone poles, so that she could don her rubber suit or her armor (i'm not sure which she would have preferred). so, sophie and i have split for the time being, her needing to get fixed more than i do and i'm praying that we will soon be united. because i miss my dear sophie. she's treated me well these last few years and now i have treated her so ill.

my head wished to be consulted as well, it turns out, as i've had a headache all day that tells me that the noggin, she's not happy either. but all is as well as it can be, and shall certainly work itself out in time, i just have no idea what that looks like right at this moment.

posted by julie @ 8:28 PM 2 comments

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