wandering sails

sadness.

and so my heart is broken. i had wanted to write about how i've never seen a house burn before in my life and i have seen two burn this summer. and how scared i am of fire-it's so utterly unforgiving. and about how, biblically, fire is a means of refining and is a good thing, but how much it still scares me. but my heart is broken, and that takes precedence.

i grew up in a family that loved me and let me know that i was important. i was a welcome addition to the group as were all others. i have never been made to feel second rate. until now. never would i have imagined that a family member would deem not only myself, but the rest of my family, as undesirable people for her sons to know. there has always been an obvious favoring given to her family, which i suppose is natural for anyone, but to keep her children from knowing us well seems so rude, frankly. i remember my family so openly accepting her when she first came. and i have called her friend.

i left my nephew's third birthday party because i did not want to cry there. i could not. i hate that i left. but i couldn't stay. sobs like those i have released do not listen to reason. they do not stay in simply because you wish them to.

my family is a good family. it makes me angry for someone to not appreciate them like they ought to be. they have wanted nothing more than to love. and now she breaks my heart.

posted by julie @ 10:46 AM