ignoring the signs.
my back door has a tendency to freeze shut. one winter, my garage door froze shut and that was super inconvenient, but definitely not a major problem. but this morning, my back door froze shut. using the front door was certainly an option, but the front walk hadn't been shovelled yet and my boots were in my car. and since i don't like snow in my shoes or wet pants, it meant that the back door really was my only option.
and so i pulled. and then i kicked. i stubbed my toe. so i hit it with the palm of my hand. i laughed at the ridiculousness of it. after five minutes, it finally breaks free. i'm laughing as i shut the door behind me, thinking, i've got to blog this.
and then the door doesn't shut. i've loosened up enough of the ice that the door is now unable to fully shut. glancing up at my ghetto back door, with it's broken window from last year's decision to try and slam the door shut to remove the ice, i break out the screwdriver. as i'm chipping away at the massive chunks of ice, i think, yeah, this is going to get blogged.
and so i chuckle to myself as i'm walking across the back deck. maybe i'm not supposed to go to work today, i think. that'd be nice.
and as i put my foot down on the second step, it goes flying out from underneath me. i turn my body and hold my laptop in front of me to protect it from the fall. my right arm flails and lands deep in the fresh snowfall. i quickly get up and start to laugh. okay, God, am i really not supposed to leave home today??? i soon realize that my right hand is mittenless. i look up to find it peacefully lying in the middle of my back yard. surrounded my lots and lots of snow. alright. i'll put this stuff in my car, get it started, grab my boots and then go get the mitten. after surveying the situation, i decide that the job can be done with only one boot. i place my unbooted foot very near the edge of the snow, pray for flexibility & balance, and take one giant step into the snow. then i switch my weight and lean as far as i can to grab the mitten. success! as i hobble back to my car, i brush off the snow and laugh a little more. are you trying to tell me something? and if he was trying to tell me something, i ignored it as i backed out of the driveway.
and see the thing about the end of my driveway, is that i had shovelled it, but not gotten around to shovelling it after the plow had gone through. i had been making sure that my tires were approximately in the same place each time i had backed out or pulled in over the weekend. but i hadn't been laughing my way out of the driveway. and this morning, i was. and mere seconds after i realized that the four foot snow bank was a little too close to the side of my car, i got stuck. the majority of my car was in the street and the very key last two tires were stuck in the plow pile.
no stinkin' way. i tried to push with my feet. no budge. i popped my trunk and grabbed my shovel. i dug out all the snow from underneath my car. no budge. i'm sure my neighbors, if they had been watching thought i'd gone mad, as i laughed my way around the car. the tears, they were starting to come. you know those tears that you can't keep in? from deep withing? the ones that only come when something is so incredibly funny? those were the ones joining me as i finally got my tires to move.
and thus my monday started.
church.
i was tired. and the snow was coming down hard. i made the decision last night to not drive all the way in to church. i decided to church a little closer to home.
and so, i met this morning at an hour much earlier than usual, had a little breakfast, put on my snowpants, filled my water bottle, grabbed my favorite hat and headed out the front door with my snowshoes at my side. oh, glorious morning! the sun was not yet up, and the plows had not come through. with what appeared to be a few feet of snow, i was looking out at a vast wonderland, an oasis to this snowshoer who has been wandering the snowless desert for almost five years. emotion welled up. my God is good to me.
the treck to ney park took about an hour, but the exhausting journey was worth it. there is nothing like breaking new snow. i was surrounded by nothing more than trees, squirrels, birds and the sound of a silent morning. it took me two hours to wind my way around the shortest trail. i stopped often, i listened much. my eyes could not see enough.
my heart was full. it's been a long time since i've spent this much time with God.
there comes a time.
are you waiting with baited breath? you should be.
the absence here in blogworld has been intentional. not because i'm trying to increase your anticipation, but because i've been really busy. with my new website. it's going to be good. at least it had better be. if it's not, all this time's been wasted and that's no way to live life.
this summer, i made some hefty decisions regarding my photography. i had been coasting along on my laurels for quite some time, so when i hit a bit of a drought this summer, i realized that i needed to figure some things out.
and this is what i know:
i have been given a gift and i need to use it. not only because it's been given to me, but because as a person, i am not whole when i walk away from it.
i want to use my gift to help people. foster kids and terminally ill children. there are outlets for me to do this, i just need the resources to make it happen.
in order to work with these organizations, i need to stop losing money with my photography. i need to make some money (crazy... who would have thought that this would ever be a resolution when making decisions about your business. dumb.)
i have limited time. i need to use it well. much better than i have been known to do. i need to get organized.
and above all else, i need to not prostitute my craft. i need to keep the passion and the joy in every aspect. and when it starts to wane, i need to figure out why and fix it. because when there is no more joy, it does nothing but drag me down and it shows. in my energy levels, my images, my life.
in and amongst these things i know, came the realization that i was going to have to cave and get a website. i had to get over the fear of what that meant and just get it done.
and six months later, it's finally happening.
i'll keep you posted.
dead skunk.
i totally hit a dead skunk last night on my way home. there it was, lying near the middle of the lane, stinkin up the street. and i saw it half a second before i heard it under the tire. and now there's a faint odor as you stand by the driver's door.
how do you get rid of something like that?
change.
do you ever just need change?
i like routine, i thrive on it, it comforts me. but sometimes, i need to shake things up. and because it's really scary and hard to make big changes, i try to find relief in little ones. i move my silverware tray to the right side of the drawer, instead of the left. i put raspberry-scented soap on the kitchen sink instead of vanilla. i move the blanket basket from one end of the couch to the other. i put the green sheets on the bed instead of the tan. i put up a new picture, i switch a few of the books around on my shelf, i wear a pair of shoes i haven't worn in a while. i listen to an old cd that's been buried in a pile instead of making any kind of major adjustment.
sometimes, it gnaws at me that bigger changes ought to happen. that i should make decisions that will change my life.
and sometimes, the little changes are enough. sometimes, having to reach a little farther to get a spoon makes all the difference in the world.
clementine.
i like how the peel of a clementine separates itself from the fruit. it's different. other fruits don't do that. i like it. it's part of what makes it so easy to eat so many.
