wandering sails

invitation.

last night, i had the opportunity to talk to a group of women in an international sisterhood called p.e.o. i was there as "the program" and spoke to them about taking better pictures. i'm intrigued by this organization.

what i know of it, is that sometime in the mid to late 1800s, a small group of women at a college in iowa decided that all women should be educated, regardless of privilege. they created this group that educates women. the p, e and o stand for something like providing educational opportunities. it's now an international organization that provides scholarships, among other things, but you don't have to be a member to benefit from their projects. here's something else that intrigues me: it's by invitation only. you can't just decide to up and join. and you don't hear about it. the only reason i connected with them is that my sister-in-law's mother is part of a local chapter. they were a great group of women... they ranged in age from, say, their thirties to seventies and they were all great friends. i was just reminded of one woman, named ellen, who must have been in her seventies, and upon my introduction during the milling around time, asked me if i used to babysit her kids. i thought, good heavens, i hope i don't look that old. jean (my sister-in-law's mom) rescued me by saying that perhaps it was one of my aunts. ellen said to me... well, you're arnold spike's granddaughter, aren't you? yes. perhaps it was an aunt. oh, maybe it was lisa or lori (my mother's youngest sisters). maybe, i don't know. well, how old are your kids? oh, so-and-so is 48, so-and-so is 46 and so-and-so is 43. yeah. i'm guessing it wasn't me. at twenty-seven, i hope i don't exude an air of middle age.

at any rate, i was intrigued by them. i think the thing that really gets me is that it's by invitation only. it makes you want to be in it. i think that i would enjoy it anyway, but there's something about not being able to just join that makes me want to be a part of it more. even if it wasn't something that i think i would enjoy, i'm pretty sure i'd want to be a part of it. my intentions would be wrong.

i have generally steered clear of controversial topics regarding spirituality. i don't feel like i have a strong enough base to be a part of them. plus, they annoy me. i think they take away from the point of it all. i just want to love God and help others want the same thing. i have found myself exploring one of these hot topics as of late. mostly because i disagree with all i've heard, but so many people that i have considered to be much more learned than i in these areas agree with it. so i'm naturally curious. calvinism, to me, seems like some sort of ridiculous notion that puts God in a box and takes away that wonderful gift of free will. the whole idea that there are chosen ones seems off. that they can live lives that don't glorify the lord and still "get in" or that someone can believe and love and follow to no avail. it seems snobbish. i'd like to meet a calvinist that doesn't believe he or she is a chosen one. they have told me that you don't know who is chosen or who is not, though my dad met someone who seemed to think he knew. here's a thought-i would like to believe that God is practical. if we're sitting here on this earth, just waiting for the rest of the chosen to come around so the world can end and we can get on with it, shouldn't we (i say that as though i'm one of the chosen... who knows, you know?) witness to only those? why would we waste our time on people that won't get invited to the party? and maybe i'm just too emotionally tied, but no one can tell me that my family members don't have a chance to go to heaven. and i will continue to pray for them and be a witness until it's not humanly possible to do. and another thing... God pre-determining who will love him? to me, that's not real love. that's the beauty of free will. when we choose to love, it's more real. when we're told we have to love? we tend to rebel. or pretend to do it. we tend to take things for granted. to be perfectly honest, being told to love something doesn't work. you cannot make someone love you. they have the right to choose. i also have a problem with people talking about 'this man said this and this and this. therefore, i believe this and this and this.' and that man actually just read a book written by a guy who read the bible.

it all just seems messed up. like some snobbish, exclusive country club.

i could be wrong. i have only recently begun to learn. i don't know it all. nothing i have heard thus far has given me a desire to validate this club-like thinking. i'd appreciate any insight-i want to know if i've misunderstood, if i'm simply misguided. or if i'm right, if i'm getting it.

posted by julie @ 9:43 AM