the worst ugly.
today, i proved to myself how incredibly self-absorbed i can get. i leave my house tomorrow morning at 4:15 for a conference in st. louis. after i get back late friday night, i have to pick up my grandma on saturday and go to a bridal shower. i had a gift to pick up, last minute shopping for the trip to do, a house to finish cleaning, packing to do and supper to eat. and i had to swing over to my parent's house to pick up a few things.about an hour before i should have left work, a man came in asking to possibly speak with someone who could encourage him and pray with him. he was a traveling evangelist, living out of his car just trying to show people a little glimpse of jesus. i did what i was supposed to do and started the trail to find him a pastor to talk to. he sat with him for quite some time and as i was leaving, already fifteen minutes later than i should be, he popped up and started talking to me. i made idle chitchat with him as i made my way to the door. inside, i told him to stop talking, i was in a hurry. but he wouldn't stop talking. and i very slowly and quite rudely made my way to the door until it was open and i was backing out of it. i threw out a shallow blessings to you and turned around. out in the parking lot, i started scolding myself and realized how horrible i had been. the man was lonely. he just wanted to talk. what business of mine is so important that i couldn't spare ten minutes to sit down and chat? the stores would all be open. my parents' house would still be there. my unpacked clothes would not run away if not put in a bag before eight.
i sat in my car, telling myself i should just go back in and talk to him. do you know what constantly ran through my head? 'what you have done for the least of these, you have done for me.' as i drove away, having done nothing, my heart ached. i left my lonely jesus inside my church, wishing he would just stop talking. i suck.
posted by julie @ 6:49 PM
1 Comments:
No, you don't suck.
You set a high standard for yourself and beat yourself up when you don't rise to that standard.
As long as you're more about rising to it than flogging yourself, you're doing great.
Forgive yourself and learn.
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